Updated: Sep 2
The day has finally arrived. The day of our first show back on tour with GOGOL BORDELLO in over 2 years!!
So many feelings. So much has changed. For one, the state of the world we are currently living in, is well, a mask wearing, germaphobe vaccine & divided country for many reasons full of sadness, pain, suffering and glimmers of sparkly hope shapped unicorns here and there. That’s just the obvious blunt truth. #sorrynotsorry. The not so obvious are the changes that have occurred in MY personal life since Covid-19. Not only did my career crumble, okay it didn’t crumble, it just went on a really really really REALLY long and annoying sabbatical with no source of income, COOL, but my 8 year relationship came to a screeching halt. Something that was bound to happen sooner or later, and Covid really just made it happen.
I’m okay and all… NOW. If you are a reader of my blog and have read my past articles then you have followed me and kept up with my journey of healing and finding true happiness. Which by the way, thank you for your support and reaching out and commenting!
Unfortunately I haven’t discovered or uncovered that true happiness part yet, but I am definitely further along in the healing process of my journey. So much so actually that my Common-law ex husband and I are actually “friends”. Honestly. We really are. We’ve always been friends. We were best friends for 8 years. That kinda closeness doesn’t just END. THAT wouldn’t be normal or ----H E A L T H Y. Instead, we have peacefully time-shared our dog ARYA this past summer, as we both are in LOVE with her, shared a meal once or twice and because of that it’s helped in keeping a friendship going.
**Arya is the black loner dog trying to play super hard**
Just the other day I was saying to my Roomie/best friend AND my mom, that it really is SO crazy how time truly does heal all wounds.
I mean, even though I knew our time had come to an end, I was still completely devastated and just, lost. The idea of NOT being with the person you lived with for 8 years, and not just lived with, but worked with, and toured with, and wrote music with.. I mean, our lives were so. interconnected. WITH. EACH. OTHER. unlike 90% of couples out there. It really was an abnormal co-dependent relationship….
But anyway, excuse me for my ramblings, but as I chatted with my Roomie/bestie and separately my mom, I really felt deep down in my heart that it wasn’t broken anymore. In fact it’s been patched up. Don’t know exactly when the patchwork starting happening but I must say, I did a pretty good job of spackling my heart back together.—
------> I’ve been doing a lot of painting and house renovations...
Okay, so how did I begin this post again? Oh right, going back on tour. First day back. Excited, nervous… check ✅
The reason why I bring up all this stuff is because also unlike most couples, being back on tour means working together again. Living together on a bus, seeing each other every day, and then throw COVID into the mix, it’s mandatory for our band to only converse WITHOUT masks, with each other. So TADA! That means not only sleeping 6 feet away from him on a tour bus, but eating most meals with him because we can’t hang out with fans, friends or family on tour, and working together (soundcheck and performances).
You may be asking yourself again, TOBI— are you REALLY okay with this. And now is the time where I say—yes!— I think so…
I mean it goes without saying some moments may feel weird or awkward and could and WILL bring back flashbacks from our happier times together, but I see this whole journey [there I go again with that word- I’ve been watching too much bachelorette] as a way to discover my Independence from him, but most importantly in a healthy, positive way.
My common-law ex-husband is honestly one of the best guitar players that I know in the industry. Unfortunately not just saying that. Well, I’m not going to stop singing or performing live anytime soon, so I’m sure we will continue to cross paths on multiple projects. With that being said- I need to be able to 1) emotionally see him 2) work with him and 3) then go home, by myself or with whomever I may be with in the future, and not be phased by him or the situation.
And then physically, from being in a co-dependent relationship for so long, I’ve forgotten how to do, ANYTHING, on my own it’s pretty laughable. IE: go to a movie by myself and see what I wanna see, or grab a bite to eat in a restaurant that appeals to me only, or go grab a coffee and walk around a cute town and window shop, or shop shop, depending on my finances that week :) or rent and ride a bike into town instead of walking (btw just re-learned how to finally ride a bike again since childhood- YAY ME). These may seem like little things to some, but to me they are prettyyyy terrifying. To be able to conquer these things on my own would be extremely empowering. I mean there’s nothing like the freedom in life to choose what you wanna choose and do what you wanna do. Am I right?
So… to hold myself accountable, I have decided that I will be blogging AND vlogging about my personal experiences on tour & traveling, discovering my independence and working on finding something everyday to be happy, positive and thankful for.
September 2021, I. WILL. OWN. YOU.
Okay, wellllll not OWN you, ya no, but…
I’m COMING. FOR. YOU! And I’m coming hard. If this was said in public I would be snapping my fingers a lot as a form of clapping in celebration.
So, If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like being on tour— you’re about to get a close up VIRTUAL backstage pass over these next 3 weeks. So be sure to check back in with my blog, youtube channel, and keep up and stay connected with me through instagram! I’ll be asking and answering questions several times a week and just getting down and personal with you… I don’t know about you, but I’m prettyyyy excited about this next chapter of my “journey” and I’m even more excited to bring Y.O.U along on the ride.
THANKS READERS for being just super awesome, and keeping up with my blogs and posts. Looking forward to connecting with you all. In the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy, and keep living your truth- whatever that may be.
**----TOBI TELLS ALL- XOXXOXOXOXOXO
PHOTO DUMP BELOW
… and a big thanks and shoutout to my friend/wedding singer bandmate
who inspired my upcoming tour vlog ideas! @ashwi_the1st